I never seemed to fit.
From the kids at school to church to society's expectations to my own family, I never seemed to fit in. I never felt right. Everything about me seemed wrong -- too-frizzy hair, bad skin, big teeth, pudgy but yet somehow still gangly, and socially awkward to the extreme. I felt like a puzzle piece trying to squash myself into the wrong puzzle.
No one, I felt, could ever like me, much less love me. I would chastise myself for even hoping for such a thing. It was, I knew, impossible.
When I got curious about God and began to read the Bible, I found that Jesus seemed to have a thing for people like me -- for the people who didn't seem to fit, people who maybe were a lot like me.
I began to wonder.
A decade later, God has healed me of a lot of my sense of being-wrong, of not-being-loveable. I have run up the unconditional love of my God, my husband and his family, and my church family too often to remain unchanged. Over the past year especially, I have felt like I have finally found the right puzzle.
Then Eve died, and everything changed.
Where did I fit into this world? Where does someone like me, a mother of a dead child, go? What kind of a puzzle is there for her . . . ?
Today I am writing over at Still Standing Magazine!