Mom of Boy

20 weeks

I have officially joined the club -- the MOB club.  The Mom of Boys club, that is.  Or, in my case, Boy.

I'm not sure what to do with that.  Because being pregnant with a son feels unexpectedly, radically different from carrying a daughter.

When I found out in my first pregnancy that we were expecting a girl, I felt so relieved.  A girl!  I was a girl!  I know girls!  The tangled curls, the opportunity to buy dress upon adorable dress, the anticipation of female teen insecurity and possible snark -- I know all that.  I felt ready for that.

But a boy?  What do I know of boys?

I know a bit of what the Best Husband Ever was like as a boy, the single son in a family of six children.  I have heard the stories -- playing all day in the mud, drawing tiny stick figure armies again and again, stringing wire in a tangled web across an entire room.

Will our son be like that?  I don't mind that.  A bit strange, a bit unfathomable, perhaps, but endearing.

I have larger concerns.

What does a boy need to become a man?  And what does he need from his mama to become a man?

What can I do -- a woman who has spent her career and her life largely working with girls, with other women -- what can I do to help him to grow into the man God has created him to be?  To be a Christ-like leader?  To become a kinsman-redeemer husband and father? 

What do I know of boys becoming men?

Not much, I think.  I have a great deal to learn.

But there are a few things that I know without doubt . . .

That I love the boys God has given me -- my husband first, and now our son.

That I am looking forward to the challenge of being a mama to a boy.

That I am okay with mess and mud and whatever healthy chaos our son brings into our lives.

That I am looking forward to seeing my husband be a father to his son, to see this special relationship blossom.

That I will learn how to be a mama to this boy, and that God and love will cover my lack.

That I am so in love with this little boy taking in shape within me.  That I cannot wait to meet him face to face. 

Little Jacob-boy, I am excited for you to turn our lives and hearts upside down with your particular brand of mess and madness and little boy-ness.  You are pure gift.

20 weeks

Tell me I'm not alone, other mamas of boys, in these worried wonderings?

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