How To Make Life Decisions Without the Fooling (Sort Of)

Thank you all for your thoughtful comments, well-wishes, and prayers regarding my last post.  After a week of thinking hard, weighing my options, and both praying and avoiding praying about it for fear of what I might hear, I have come to a decision.


Brace yourself, friends.


The Best Husband Ever and I have decided to move to Switzerland.  We are on our way now, having dropped off the dogs for their border-crossing quarantine.  




Or are we . . . ?


Hah!  April Fool's!  I know, you probably saw through it.  I'm terrible at April Foolery.  I always want to participate, but the only foolings I can come up with that are actually surprising (read: shocking) are really negative and mean, like I have cancer.  Good taste?  Not exactly.


So, to be clear, we are NOT moving to Switzerland.  Yet.  Believe it or not, the Best Husband Ever and I actually have discussed the pros and cons of becoming Swiss ex-pats.


Regarding my equestrian conundrum, I have decided to pass on the internship and stay here in Montana with my husband, family, friends, and, of course, dogs.  Although trading stable labor for lessons in riding and horse training has been among my dreams, I'm not sure that it is a current dream.  Instead, it is a dream of about five or ten years ago.  If I had had this opportunity upon graduating from high school or college, I would have gone for it.  But now horses aren't my priority, although I still enjoy them immensely and find them to be beautiful and calming creatures. 


Right now other things are more important to me, things that I think would suffer if I were to jaunt off to New Hampshire by myself for a year.  My marriage is number one on this list -- adding an eating disorder struggle to the usual mess of a new marriage has been incredibly stressful for the Best Husband Ever and myself, and our relationship has been close to an untimely end in our three and a half short years together.  We are just starting to make positive progress, and if I were to leave we both are afraid that all forward motion would stall and that we would find ourselves facing divorce.


A bundle of chihuahua
I would miss this if I left ("this" being a sleepy chihuahua wrapped in my Snuggie by the Best Husband Ever).

Also, I feel that it is important for me to stay put.  If I hadn't met and married the Best Husband Ever, I'm pretty sure I would have moved to a new city every single year.  And while this may not be a bad thing, I think that it would have been bad for me.  It's taken five years of life in Montana to forge the few solid relationships I have here, and if I had lived a nomadic lifestyle I'm fairly certain that I would have been doing it alone.  I really think that God is teaching me patience by keeping me here, and is showing me the value of community.  This year the amazing women of our church have picked me up more than once and set me on my way, loving me at my worst in a way I had no reason to expect.  If you've been reading the blog for a while, you might remember my angry, insecure posts from this past summer and fall.  The power of community drew me out of that, and I can never thank them enough. 


There are more reasons why I think staying is better -- because I committed to spend the next year writing, revising, and submitting a novel; because I would desperately miss our dogs; because the isolation inherent in a cross-country move would probably mess with my eating disorder recovery; because if I really want to pursue equine work or activities, I will start small here; because Montana is my home now and I would feel lost without the mountains; because I feel called to be here.  


Can you tell that I made pro and con lists while weighing my equestrian conundrum?  Sure, it's a little anal and definitely something straight out of The Gilmore Girls, but it worked for me.  It helped me to see my thoughts and feelings more impartially, which in turn allowed me to make a decision based on logic instead of my ever-changing emotions.  


How do you go about making big decisions?  And what is the best non-mean April Fool's joke you have ever played or witnessed?

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